Waking the Monster

I jump off prompt lines to the sound of silence and feel anticipation leap into my very soul at the thought of what might land on the page, and I am always surprised. It’s quiet inside my head but there must be a low frequency hum in there somewhere, something to vibrate tension.

Music thrills me but I forget that it exists. Right now I’m writing to the sound of hot water running through my new radiators; it beats heat into the threats of March snow and reminds me that each thrum of thermals costs money that I could be spending in Cyprus in June. My fingertips are cold, my legs are jumping and my chocolate will soon be melting – time to turn it off…and put on some music. Let’s see what happens with a bit of Springsteen.

Working on a dream drags me into fabulous melody and my head nods – I’m just an old dog on the back ledge of a car, bobbing to the man in the car behind. I was listening to Paul Carrack singing Into the Mystic on the train home and lost myself to the woman reflected in the window; she is a version of me but I hardly recognise her. She was thinking of sailing into the mystic during her funeral service but it’s not a song for a single woman, so I can’t have it.

Oh Bruce, I love your songs – I think they’re the only words I hear. In love with the queen of the supermarket is the supreme lyric! I listen to pop music and barely know what the songs are about because I’m lost in the tune, lifted and laid out by it every time. In the car I played one CD in a loop for weeks and repeated the action for the next one, but the words never got me – except The Boss’s. My iTunes is edited and his are the only albums that are complete.

George Baker Selection Little Green Bag is one of those tunes that could kill me on a busy road, or have a trainload of people laughing at how badly I sing… Looking for some happiness when there is only loneliness to find! Wow! And you know that it’s only the chorus I know even after all these years (and weeks in the car). Oh the songs that make me sound fabulous from inside my head! Deliver Me, Breathe, Torn, Wild Horses, Show me Heaven, Static and Silence, Stand by Me, I think it’s going to Rain Today, Careless Love, Amazing, Misty Blue, A Different Corner, Hallelujah, Streets of Philadelphia, Chasing Cars…

Stereophonics singing The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face is a show-stopper and I would stop and stand to attention anytime I heard it, but could I write to it? Oh lord make me young again and give me this man, this voice and let him sing this song to me and mean every word – yes, I hear those words and want to lie on a chaise longue somewhere…actually hang off it with my love-life scattered across the floor and promise of more to come painted on the walls. STAMPED on the walls, raining down the walls and falling against me…

So, was that good for you? Dreams and memories are what songs are made on, and I’ve slept with all of them – what a tart! And now that I’ve awoken that old monster I must go and play in YouTube.

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